I want more of everything, call greedy but, what wrong with that, after all those years of envy and jealousy that I endure, its time for me to something to calm all those urges. I couldn't keep up with those feeling of wanting more of everything, I am tired of having to fight everything and everything around me, it is making me tired and stressed all the time, it is not the way I should live my life as.
All those cravings are now lean toward material, which in my case would be a great thing, why? Because I am emotionally incapable, aren't that obvious. Connecting with other people is hard and complex, plus, don't forget the fact that I change my prospective toward human relationship change all the time, for better or worst, that is never a good thing of me, always had to define the thing around me, so that everything had its status and way to approaching it, my way of cause.
It is rather sad to say, but I loved having thing, it might not necessary define me or thing that I actually need, but having those stuff with, kinda proof that I do exist in this space , at this moment, sad, I know, that is what happen when you felt that you're always alone, doing everything alone, alone with yourself, pathetic, and yes, I choose it, so I gonna live with my choice, for that I pay the price. Though, question might arise as why don't I just pull myself out of the hole I am in, well, simple, where am I to do from there, and how? That all make sense when you're not alone. Which in my case, well, you do the math then.
Lately, I try to stay focus on work rather then taking of myself, the result of that, I am sick from inside to the outside, guess that plan doesn't do any good to me.
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