The end of 2012

I know , I know, year end is , well, a few days from now. Yap, things happen and I became someone else, literately. Ups and downs , highs and lows, and goods and bad, I figure things out, and about to go on live as someone else from next year. No plans, no ideas but I know what I want, and I know where to go.

Hopes and dreams for next year? Nothing to expect, I just going to focus on living the live I wanted. Gain the confidence that I used to have back.  

The after math

I am ok now. Like for real, give up a few things, let go some stuff and here I am, relief .

Should have done that a long time ago, but hey, when you in that state, can you even do anything else than want to hang on to everything you have, it felt like the world ended for you.

Come back to the question, do you have faith in love? My answer would be, why not? However it probably have to take a long time to find someone that I like and would love me back, chances are slim as a piece of cheese slice, for that I think making friend is much better approach.

Until that day happen, I would gladly die the day after that. Haha!! For real. 

I am back again... this time I hurt much deeper

Life is a bitch to me.

Always the 'why' questions, I am tired if nothing else. What is my next step. I always had the next step, this time around I am lost with no direction at all.

Should I cried, again? more? What else can that do? Nothing at all, still sad and hurt after that.

I pause , all my passions, well, it is not important any more, does it matter? I lost and I loss, what is more important now is that I am on a tight schedule here, I need carry out my plan fast, before I couldn't do it .

Putting up a poker face in front of everyone is hard, but I must continue, so fake of me right, what can I do? I need to make everyone think I am fine when I am never going to be fine.

So stupid right? I still can't hate him even if I want to.

Update:
Cancel all my plans, it is so stupid to continue what I want to achieve while him had already move on and move out of the love we once both cherish so much. Imagine how naive of me and somewhat selfish of him. It is not meant to be, thus it shall end. I shall begin to live my life, on my term and on my own. Directions and goals? That is a discovery that I shall embark on.